A Love Like No Other

Take me away with you,

Take me away on a journey,

Just the two of us. Forget the world, forget our lives,

Just for a short time of freedom.

I want three nights, three nights of love,

Three nights to feel your arms around me

To touch you, to feel your kisses on my lips,

Three nights of freedom from this world,

To run down the beach,

The wind in our hair,

The sand between our toes, like lovers between the sheets,

Like the stars that never end.

I ache to hold you in my arms,

To listen to your voice as you talk with me,

Like the breeze awakens the leaves,

So your voice stirs my soul.

As the sun shines in the day, I can feel the warmth of your touch,

The feel of your strong soft hands,

As the storm breaks through the clouds, I feel you breaking through the walls of my heart,

Gently, softly, one brick at a time being chipped away,

Somewhere inside is a heart that wants to beat again

That wants to feel,

That wants to be treasured.

The ache that I feel, can be satisfied with nothing – but your touch.

But as reality sets in, I know those three days would end, and only half a heart would ever walk away.

For memories can never hold two hearts together forever.

To say goodbye would hurt more than to not touch you at all.

So it will never be.

My heart will always long for that which it cannot have,

That longing feels as though it is going to crush the life out of me. My goodness, I want to talk to you.

I want to see you. But it can never be.

It can never be!!

And so, the bricks go up,

One at a time, and slowly

My heart is closed again,

An empty hollow shell

Trapped in chains, bolted and locked.

The dark, hidden space where the ache becomes the beat of my heart…

Goodbye my friend. You own part of my soul, and my soul will always long for you.

Post Dump

So much of the work I have done on myself and for myself over the past three years has been about bringing who I am together. After years of compartmentalising my life, fracturing myself to live up to expectations of those around me, I have been pulling my life together. One life, one me.

As part of that, I want to bring things I have written together. So excuse the post dump…. its all me… just me in one place. The messy, the passionate, the loss, the parts of me over the years that have been silent. It’s a coming together.

My God.

I am 48 years old.

Life is fashioned by mountains and valleys, some valleys caused by our own failures, some by others.

But God. His faithfulness.

I live with little regret. Not because I don’t wish I had chosen different paths at times, but because I have learnt – because I know forgiveness, I have experienced grace, because I know my life is worth nothing except through His eyes and His heart.

Just as Covid hit, I left my husband. I was jobless, threatened with homelessness, broken. I am so thankful for my adult children who loved me through the deepest despair and the ache I carried. I’m so thankful to God who provided a job, who still has me housed, who has brought peace through this process.

And now, I am learning to linger. To embrace the joy in His presence. To wait on his voice. To let his love sprinkle down and wash over me, refresh me, sustain me.

And as I complete this healing phase of the journey… all that was broken is ready to be poured out to Gods women. To be an ear, but mostly to point them to the one who loves to linger with us. The one who walks beside our rippling streams, the one whose love is in the leaves that fall, whose tears are in the rain, and whose faithfulness is in the stars.

God. The kinsman-redeemer. My God.