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Pink Steel Cap Butt Kicking Boots

/ Adele / Leave a comment

This is something I wrote three years ago. Before I decided to leave my husband. I was excited for 2020, but near the end of 2019 my world changed. Maybe I changed. The interesting this is that this is what I wrote. I am going to highlight all the things have have come true over the past three years for me. Ironic that I could write something and look back and see that perhaps those pink steel cap butt kicking boots actually booted my own backside – but so many things I was excited for came true in a way I never thought of, dreamed of, or imagined. Take a look:

“What would you think of if someone told you they bought pink boots? Cute? Sexy? Powerful?
Pink represents so many things – friendship, affection, harmony, inner peace, approachability.
Pink can be soft, but also vibrant. It can be tender, playful and strong. But these boots? My pink
steel cap butt kicking boots? I am so excited to own them because they represent a new story, a
new life.
The last 15 years or so, I have loved my jobs. Some have been more challenging than others.
There have been ones that ended well, and some I was pleased to escape from, but overall I have
met beautiful people. I have learnt as much about myself as I have work cultures and
management styles. Today is the end of full time work in the normal sense for me. It is the end of
bosses, the end of imposed time restrictions, deadlines and priorities. It is the end of being
confined to windowless offices, sitting at a desk working all day and again at night at home. It is
the end of being pulled in two directions, the end of being present for both, yet not ‘all in’ at either.
It is also the beginning. It is the beginning of a certain amount of freedom. Freedom to work
around family. Freedom to embrace a new career. Freedom to try new things, to bring change, to
work with people, and to create. It is the opportunity to build the dream life alongside my husband,
and to change the future for our children.
The boots aren’t about swapping heels for a trade site. They are about breakthrough. Change.
Challenge. Growth. Strength. Confidence. Faith. Hard work. Sweat. Tears. They are power over
doubt, they are belief for the future. Those pink steel cap butt kicking boots are victory in the face
of past defeats. Unafraid, they support when the ground is shaky and remain steady when life is
wobbly.
They say I’m ready! I am all in. I am planted. Firm. Solid. They will walk into places others fear to
tread. They are no longer hiding in the shadows. They say BRING IT ON!
With 2020 around the corner, my boots are poised to jump into the unknown. They will take back
ground, they will proclaim the goodness of God, and you can be sure, they will need to kick butt!
Joys of life often co-exist alongside the struggles. The biggest difference is the attitude we take to
it. I don’t know what 2020 holds for anyone else, but I’m bringing my butt kicking boots! “

I have just written a new mantra for my next three years. As I look back to this, I get excited. Clearly when I wrote this, I wasn’t intending on leaving my marriage. I was excited for what life could bring. But life worked out differently than I expected. As I have written a mantra for my next season – again a three year season, I know that what I now ‘see’ will be vastly different to what eventuates. The fact we can’t see the future is a gift. Yet, how wonderful to look back over the years and see your dreams come through, and God working through our life if we allow. I feel that there isn’t a lot of room for life to get much better, but I know there is much to learn, places to go, people to meet, and God will be there.

A Love Like No Other

/ Adele / Leave a comment

Take me away with you,

Take me away on a journey,

Just the two of us. Forget the world, forget our lives,

Just for a short time of freedom.

I want three nights, three nights of love,

Three nights to feel your arms around me

To touch you, to feel your kisses on my lips,

Three nights of freedom from this world,

To run down the beach,

The wind in our hair,

The sand between our toes, like lovers between the sheets,

Like the stars that never end.

I ache to hold you in my arms,

To listen to your voice as you talk with me,

Like the breeze awakens the leaves,

So your voice stirs my soul.

As the sun shines in the day, I can feel the warmth of your touch,

The feel of your strong soft hands,

As the storm breaks through the clouds, I feel you breaking through the walls of my heart,

Gently, softly, one brick at a time being chipped away,

Somewhere inside is a heart that wants to beat again

That wants to feel,

That wants to be treasured.

The ache that I feel, can be satisfied with nothing – but your touch.

But as reality sets in, I know those three days would end, and only half a heart would ever walk away.

For memories can never hold two hearts together forever.

To say goodbye would hurt more than to not touch you at all.

So it will never be.

My heart will always long for that which it cannot have,

That longing feels as though it is going to crush the life out of me. My goodness, I want to talk to you.

I want to see you. But it can never be.

It can never be!!

And so, the bricks go up,

One at a time, and slowly

My heart is closed again,

An empty hollow shell

Trapped in chains, bolted and locked.

The dark, hidden space where the ache becomes the beat of my heart…

Goodbye my friend. You own part of my soul, and my soul will always long for you.

Post Dump

/ Adele / Leave a comment

So much of the work I have done on myself and for myself over the past three years has been about bringing who I am together. After years of compartmentalising my life, fracturing myself to live up to expectations of those around me, I have been pulling my life together. One life, one me.

As part of that, I want to bring things I have written together. So excuse the post dump…. its all me… just me in one place. The messy, the passionate, the loss, the parts of me over the years that have been silent. It’s a coming together.

My God.

/ Adele / 1 Comment

I am 48 years old.

Life is fashioned by mountains and valleys, some valleys caused by our own failures, some by others.

But God. His faithfulness.

I live with little regret. Not because I don’t wish I had chosen different paths at times, but because I have learnt – because I know forgiveness, I have experienced grace, because I know my life is worth nothing except through His eyes and His heart.

Just as Covid hit, I left my husband. I was jobless, threatened with homelessness, broken. I am so thankful for my adult children who loved me through the deepest despair and the ache I carried. I’m so thankful to God who provided a job, who still has me housed, who has brought peace through this process.

And now, I am learning to linger. To embrace the joy in His presence. To wait on his voice. To let his love sprinkle down and wash over me, refresh me, sustain me.

And as I complete this healing phase of the journey… all that was broken is ready to be poured out to Gods women. To be an ear, but mostly to point them to the one who loves to linger with us. The one who walks beside our rippling streams, the one whose love is in the leaves that fall, whose tears are in the rain, and whose faithfulness is in the stars.

God. The kinsman-redeemer. My God.