You Are Unlikely To Progress….

Another email silently lit up my screen. I already knew what it would say. It starts off – ‘It appears your application has an update….’ That always means the words to follow will be ‘Unlikely to progress’.

In this moment sadness, rejection, disappointment floods my soul. Am I not good enough? Why can I not even get an interview? Have I done something wrong? What can I do better? When will I get a job? What is wrong with me?

Again and again hope dies. I need to pick myself up to keep applying. I need a job. I need to provide for my family. I never thought I would be in this position.

I know I’m not alone in this. With Covid taking the world by storm, so many of us are feeling the pinch. So many unemployed. Losing hope. So many faced with rejection after rejection after rejection.

I tell myself this is not the end. This won’t last. I will be fully employed again. I’m thankful for some current casual work, and at the end of every week I seem to gain another. It’s daunting and scary because each week could be the end. I could be back on welfare. But I’m thankful for each day I get.

2020 was always going to be a turbulent year for me. I knew this going into it. I’ve never felt so unsettled. Everything I’ve ever known has been tossed into the air and is coming down in chunks. Some hitting me hard, others scattering across the landing zone.

I’ve just started reading Alyssa Terkeurst’s book ‘It’s not supposed to be this way’. She talks about how we live for outcomes, and how often we are in the space in between.

I haven’t read enough to know her answers – but I do believe God is a God of the in-between. He is in-between relationships. He is in-between promotions. He is in-between the fires of life when we feel burnt out and are giving up. And He is there in the in-between of the job crisis.

So, if you are like me and are unsettled. Don’t give up. Keep going. This too shall end. What we go through, how we feel, these are temporary feelings, temporary situations. Keep moving. Remind yourself you are loved and loveable. Remind yourself your inability to land a job isn’t personal.

So, if you get an email saying you are unlikely to progress – remember – God is in your today. He is already ahead of you in your tomorrow. His ‘unlikely to progress’ means you are closer now than you were before.

I’m thinking of everyone out there struggling through this. Keep going and stay strong! ❤️

Healing

Healing can be a painful process. Sometimes you cut deep. Sometimes you are surprised by the truth you find when you search for it.

Healing means being brave enough to feel the emotions and strong enough to allow yourself time to process them. Healing doesn’t happen overnight. It is a journey. It’s ok to not be ok. It’s ok to be honest with yourself. It’s ok to grieve, to cry, to be angry. It’s ok to feel defeated.

You only have to put one step in front of another. Take one moment at a time. Show yourself tenderness. Be kind to your soul. Keep walking. Trust God even when you can’t.

One day you will think you have healed, another day you won’t be able to see past your puffy eyes. But… healing will come and you will be changed…. a little lighter, a little more compassionate, a little more raw, open and kinder.

Embrace the season through your pain because your journey becomes your story.

In The Silence

Who are you in the silence?

When Gods whisper has stilled

And his presence is void

Who are you when the world is not watching?

When it’s you, just you

No demands, no pull

Who are you when you look in the mirror?

When tenderness tints your lense

and love covers your embrace

Who are you when you look at your lack?

When the gaps glare back

And the darkness threatens to descend upon you

Who are you when standing in the presence of the cross!

Covered in sin and shame

Face down in guilt, arms stretched wide in grief

Who are you when the world seems threatening?

when the ugliness surrounds

and the abyss pulls you closer

Who are you when standing in the sun?

Warmth flowing through,

basking in its goodness and love

Who are you when the world is beneath your feet?

The heartbeat of the nations thundering in your soul

The tears of the helpless making streaks across your cheeks

Who are you but a multi faceted soul

searching for meaning,

for purpose, for acceptance

When your heartbeat is dancing, demanding, exploding,

When your spirit is sad, and troubled

When your body is tired and weak

Simply whisper

I am enough!